Muster.Your.Courage

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Just got back home from a wedding dinner.
Shall do a quick blog because I am going to fall over the chair anytime.
Went back to school for banner painting in the morning with Rachel and Chere.
Andrea's grouo was there too.
We each did our own banner and ours turn out quite nice.
Its cloth colour is black and we painted the word 'Alive!' in white and 'arts' in blue.
At first, the painting was pretty sucky because we realised that the cloth was too thin and what ever we painted,
only like 1/5 of the paint gets on the cloth
and the rest (4/5, if you cant do your maths) get soaked up by the newspaper underneadth the banner.
Damn lame because we (Rachel, Chere and yours truly) was painting and painting and painting.
And the paint always seeped through. So it was like double work. Hahas.

We spent like 4 hrs on it and then it started to rain.
It started as a drizzle then when we were about to go off, it poured.
Both Chere and Rachel brought umbrellas, I didnt.
So we shared.
One luckily fellow will stand in the middle (and be dry) and the other two would stand at the sides, holding the umbrellas.
We took the back gate, but we found out that it was locked so we had no choice left but to take the front gate.
Anyways, the journey was like DAMNED long and we walked and walked.
And as we were walking down hill, Rach started using her feet to step into puddles of water
and the impact started to splash onto us.
We started splashing each other and jumping.
I know that might sound justreally childish, but its pure innocent fun.
And its not like you get to walk through the rain,
with three good friends and good puddles of water lying nearby everyday, ya know? Hahsa.

Anywyas, I came back soaked from head to toe,
from inside out. okies. You get the pt dont you?
And I was whipped into my dad's van (after showering, of course) to my cousin's wedding dinner.
Mmm... ate to my fill.
Oh. And it was the first time in my life that I tasted Sea Cucumber.
Ah... I didnt excatly like it.
it had this weird taste and when I ate it, my stomach threatened to force it out twice.
Thank God I quickly took that opportunity to dunk down some water.
From then onwards, its no way sea cucumber for me.

So dinner was okies.
Then my dad drove us home and when we reached our block,
We realised that our only one lift broke down.
Our block has two lifts, but one is up for upgrading.
So, we had a choice. We could sit around that area and wait for the repairs to be done
or climb up the flight of stairs.
And for your info, I stay on the highest (24th) floor.
My dad didnt want to wait so we climbed.
We climbed and climbed and I was counting each step and my dad was timing the both of us.
Hahas... quite funny.
I found out that there was 8 steps in one flight
and one storey has two flights.
So, its (24*2*8=384)
In other words, I climbed a total no. of 384 steps. Hahas. Lame right?
Oh and we took 4 mins to climb everything. :)

Wells, I think I better go wash up and sleep,
my eye lids are already 3/4 closed.

It's all about Me.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Today was an eventful day.
Woke up at about 10 plus (due to the banging of the construction sites around my area)
took a nice, warm bath and went to to meet Mao(my nanny) and QJ.
Then QJ sms me saying that he cant meet me til about 3pm.
So nanny and I went to have breakfast and Koufu in Tp.
Had shredded chicken ban mee and nanny had congee.
Anyways, Fiona came and join us and she said that she had free movie passes
and we went for a round of free movie at Balstier Shaw. Kwel right?

Watched the movie 'Cold Creek Manor' because the name sounded like it would be a nice movie.
But it showed otherwise.
It is the slowest, the most boring movie I have ever made.
A piece of advice, dont watch that show unless it your last restort.
Wells, I couldnt complain much because I sat for the movie for free. *grins*
Thanks Fiona!

Then went to Far East shopping complex to jalan around.
Mmm... bought yet another part of dangling earrings. (I am a earring whore, if there is such a thing)
and seen a lot of things I want to lay my hands on!
Hahas. Like for example - a new bag or probably some clothings.
So I am going back there again some other time when I have the cash.

*stomach growls*
Yups, you heard it. I am hungy, again.
Hahas. i think I have a bottomless pit.
Going eat soon. Mom's buying food. Sheng mee, I think.

It's all about Me.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

At the End of the Day
By EmiFujita
Taken from her album 'Camomile extra;

Well, my days went by at a dizzying pace
I was always running to and fro
And then before I even knew where I was
Off to dreamland I would go

By now I realize that a da of my life
Is the price I must pay for tomorrow
You have taught me to treasure every day
With its joy and its sorrow

You know that I'm,
the one who's always being swept away
Always torn apart
How I wish that there was something
I could do for you
Simply from my heart
Darling, at the crlose of day
sliently for love we'll pray

Now night has finally come to the busy city day
Where quiently the moon is shining down
On the paths of people hurry home
She sheds her light all around

And in this heart of mine your love is shining down
its lighting up my future and my past
That is the reason I'm living now
Treating each day as my last

And if you want to know the reason why I'm crying, dear
It's cause I love you so
How I wish that there was something
I could do for you
Just to let it slow
Darling, at the close of the day, silently for love we'll pray

Now if you want to know the erason I'm crying, dear
It's cause I love you so
How i wish that there was something
I could do for you
Just to let it show
Tomorrow's just a dream away
close the curtain on today

I think that it is a beauiful song.
The lyrics kinda reflects on what i am feeling now.

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

I am not going to rely on you anymore.
I vow not to listen to your mindless crap.
By hook or by crook,
I am going to DO IT BY MYSELF.
From today onwards, I am going to be independent.
I am no longer going to bow down at your feet
and worship on every other step that you take.
I am no longer to care about what you think, how you act.
I am going to ...
going to ...
I cant do this. i cant continue writing what I wont do. Seriously.
I miss you too much.
All these days, weeks, months that you have been so far away from me.
I craved the sensual feel of your touch that writhers me,
I long to look deep into your set of beautiful eyes
and be assured that you are going to be there for me forever.
I desire to be in your arms once again,
to feel the warmth that I have be devoided for so long.
For the world has been so cruel to take you away from me.
Just when everything is going so well,
you had to walk out of my life.
You left me stranded out in the streets with nothing to defend myself.
I have been so bruised and broken up,
not by physcially means but ...
my heart. Its bleeding,
and I cant stop it.
I cant forget about the times that we have spent together so happily.
I cant erase those beautiful memories of what I once had, with you.
I cant...
my love, please help me.
My heart, its still bleeding.
I cant stop it because...
I cant stop loving you.

It's all about Me.

Monday, November 24, 2003

Wells, just a few posts ago, I did said that I could feel sickness coming over me, didnt I?
Yea. It hit me yesterday in the evening.
I wished I could be down with flu or cough.
Or maybe even fever or anything else but dizziness,
diahorrea and the urge to puke. Which I did.
Anyway, I first felt nausea in the afternoon after I had a packet of chicken rice
and then it got worst in the evening when I finished attending mass
and when I went to drop something off at Chan's place.
Worst, dad still wanted to go to Junction 8 to have his dinner and to jalan around.
Obviously, I had to tag along.
I thought I could tahan that feeling.
You know that feeling that there is something up your throat and you had to get it out...
But it just cant get out unless you stick your fingers in.
Wells. And last night's sleep was no sleep at all.
Every movement was an agony. And I kept worrying that I would puke on my bed.
Still must wake up to go to school for elections.
Some stupid shits man. Hahas.

Anyways, got my cd by Emi Futju (?) Camomile.
have been wanting to get it ever since I heard it in Popular when I was with Gloria and Chan 2 months ago.
Quite a good CD if you are the type that seeks for a smoothing tune or two.

Alrights, I better get back to do my FnN.
Got so many charts that I have to do up..
and more bullshitting to do... hahas. Jk lar.

It's all about Me.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

yesterday when my dad came home from the club saying that he has a bag of goodies downstairs in the vechicle,
I thought he was kidding me.
But no. It was true.
A good bag worth of goodies from the upconing trip to the sea games at Vietniam.
There are 2 boxes of 'chewy' granola bars. Flavours are Chocolate chunk and cookies N' cream.
One whol big box of Weider Energy packets (u know that slivers packets that are advertised on tv?)
3 big bottles of Gatorade - lemon lime flvoured.
It comes in a powered form and i believe that you cant buy in the stores cos they specially maufactued it for the sportsmen.
Wells. That covers the food part.
They even gave my dad free clothing.
And all of them bears the singapore logo. Really nice.
Got 2 pairs of black sports shorts,
2 pairs of t-shirt with and without collar,
2 pairs of track pants (now you know where I get all my track pants from)
and 1 jacket.
hahas. They even added in a water-bottle,
8 really cute badges that comes in the ape of the island
and it has two colours- sliver and good. very pretty, I must say.
Oh.. and guess what else did they give?
A CD full of Singapore anthems!
The title of the cd is called 'Majulah Singapura - The National Anthem Of Singapore'
Hahas. Oh.
Also got two pairs of brand new socks and
one sports towel.
All of these comes in a Yonex bag, and that comes for free too.
All the stuffs are very pretty this year.
I think these are the perks for being in the national sports team.
Not to mention, my dad gets paid to play. Pretty cool, heh?

Hahas, and just the other day while day was fetching me home from church
we started talking about his upcoming match
and then he was like saying ' I found the secret to shooting, how to stand properly' and stuffs like that.
I was like 'yea right dad. Nice one.'
And he said 'really. i am going to shoot a gold or at least a top three back'
Hahas. Talk about being confident.
Then I said 'Uh-huh. heys, since you claim that you are so good at it (which is kinda true) WHy dont we make a pact?
If you can train me up in an amount of time with that 'secret formula' of yours, I'll shut up.'
And he readily agreed to it. he gave me a digit 6.
He promised me that 6 months was all he needed to train me up.
Yea right. Hahas.
SO anyway, now that my dad and I had a pact,
I got to go down to the range as often as he calls me too.
So troublesome.
Especially since the range is all the way on the either side of the island,
from where I am staying.
The ride in my dad's vechicle can take up more than 1/2 hr! Hahas.

Got this from an email that describes you.
You aer asked to choose from your birthdate and this was what I got -
Group B2 Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you
and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams.
Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect.
You hardly trust someone. Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.
You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.
You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.

Hahas. Actually. its pretty true to what they are saying.
I AM a deep thinker and sometimes I think TOO much.
And when I THINK too much, I somehow look on the negative side than the positive side.
And thats not really good because if it prolongs,
it will be craved into my mind
and i will be mentally handicap
which will eventually lead to the break down of my physicall self.
Talkin crap am I? You wont understand what I am saying unless you yourself have experienced it first hand.

Anyways, just watched finish 'The Matrix'.
I know..I know. I am a bit slow because now that the third one has came out
and I am still stuck with the first.
Hey. Dont point fingers at me cos I have always wanted to watch it,
only that I dont know of anyone who can lend it to me.
Now that I have gotten hold of a copy and watched it...
all i can of the movie is that - it is good, fab even.
I'll probably rate it a 4.5/5 stars.
And the best part, i finally got the whole story outline after watchin it for the first time.
I dont see why almost all of my friends find it so hard to comprehand?
The reason I can understand the first time round is most probably cos I am a deep thinker. *see above*
hahas. Anyways, who has gotten the second CD?
Can lend me? Pretty please?

It's all about Me.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

I think tht your dreams do reflect on how you really feel while you are awake.
For example - just two days ago, I dreamt that I got a warm hug from a friend who have been away for quite some time.
The feeling of relieve overcame when I saw him and when we embraced.
That feeling of lost was replaced by hope and happiness.
Somehow or rather, that was what I was looking for just yesterday.
To feel hope, happiness and loved.

Today was an easy day for me.
Got myself enough of sleep and I just recieved the great news that we have found a bar to shoot. FINALLY.
Thank God.
Speaking of God, I see that he is holding my hands and walking along side with me in my times of needs.
Many, uncountable times.
And I thank Him for his graces and chances that he has bestowed upon me. :)

It's all about Me.

Friday, November 21, 2003

I am feeling freezing cold now.
If you can see me,
I am all wrapped up warmly in my blanket from my neck down.
Just came back from my class and someone just had to sit us in front of the air-con.
Lols. No, I am not complaining here... just sulking. Hahas.
Anyway, the class was enriching and in a way, fun.

hahas, and I just found myself a nanny! Aka Terence Mao.
We were walking from class and were talking about QJ's BBQ
when I suddenly quipped that I need someone to bring me to where ever the BBQ was held
because I am the blur kind and prbably will not know how to get there
Then I also said that I needed a baby-sitter and QJ pointed fingers to Tmao.
Thats how the latter became my nanny. Hahas.

Went to school in the morning for the last AA meeting.
I felt really down inthe dumps because I didnt have enough sleep for a few days
so I am mentally and physically tired.
All I needed was a warm hug and I tired calling people on my hp just to talk
but all of them were not free.
I felt so isolated and so unwanted.
Like a broken toy that is cast away to one corner by its owner
Sighs. I think that the feeling is still there. I need a hug.

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Listening: DJ Zardo

Coming online is becoming a bore.
There is this usual routine that I am following:
Check Inbox, Blog, MSN chat, check other blogs.
And then my virtual life ends there.
Wells. If I am in the mood to read, I'll probably read some fics.
Then my eyes will start to get blurry after I stare at the screen for too long.
So, does anyone have any interesting websites to intro to me?

Been filming for my project in my CCA for quite some time already.
And it is really frustating at times because not everyone is contributing like they are supposed to.
But that has always been the case for almost all the group works that I have been in.
Anyways, everything is going rather smoothly (Thank God)
and it IS kinda nice becoming the director. Hahas.
You can fiddle around with the camera and the different angles.
But I obviously got more responsiblities then just fiddling around with the former.
Got to organsied this and that,
got to get everyone together,
got to compromise and learn to be patient (esp when things starts to turn bad
and even though it might not be to an advantage to the situation or for yourself)
Wells. I am learning new things through this experience.
At least, during filming I would know if I was listening during tutorials
because if I didn't, then what ever I do will be wrong.
Technically, it would look not right. Hahas.

Heys. I know that my posts are sometimes too short or too confusing
or it doesnt even make any sense at all,
I sincerely apologise.
because.. because.. I am not really good in my English? Hahas.

Gtg now. Cant wait for friday. Got a special course coming up!
Will tell you about it when I have attended my first session. See ya!

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Listening: Dee Dee Bridgewater - Mack the Knife

Lipid

You are a lipid. You know whom you like and whom
you hate, and you like hanging out with people
who think like you do. People who disagree with
you annoy you to no end. You either love
Abercrombie and Fitch or you despise it, but
there's no middle ground. You're polar.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lols. I totally agree with the results of that quiz.
Esp with the line 'You know whom you like and whomyou hate'
And I hate people who are backstabbers and fakers.
Not to mention, people who are big-headed and
esp those that think too highly of themselves.

Whee~ Going for filming after this at about 7pm.
Oh and we have finally got ourselves a tripod stand
and extra lights and extra batteries and extra wide angle lens.
Lols. Actually, It was Tan that lent us the lights and lens
When he passed it to me yesterday after AA,
he was all beaming like a child when mommy has come home with a new toy.. literally.
He kept on saying 'This is a new toy that I have brought recently' and he would hand me the lights.
And he said 'and this toy,' he lifts up lens and fixed on my camera.
and then handed me the tripod stand and said,
"hey. Just brought this stand, dont spoil the toy"
Lols, right?
anyways, by adding all the different equipments that I have on hand,
It would amount to a total of $800 or more.
SIghs. I usually have this huge resposibilities of taking care of it and I am scared that I would drop something
or worst, lose something.
Then we will have to pay! Lols.

Alrightly. Better go and rest a little before this evening.
I have a feeling that it would be our most taxing session yet.
Considering the fact that we will have to re-shoot the whole thing
because the past film was too dark to see anything.
Wish me luck, or something.

It's all about Me.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

my skin,
my outermost shell.
it's turning soft and coarse
and its peeling non stop.
skin by skin.
layer by layer it comes off,
soon, overtime
a new me will emerge.

It's all about Me.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Lols.
Just got news from the channel i news that oral sex is illegal.
Wells, a few weeks later or so when documents are confirmed.
I was like... ????

ah. Today was B-O-R-I-NG.
Went out in the morning,
spent like 50dollars on a 15 mins consultation.
Argh.
After that, was supposed to meet up with someone
but didnt in the end.
So I went straight home.
Oh. And I was freaking hungry so I went to buy a whole Mac's set lunch.
Hmph. Ate the whole thing by myself.
And also went to buy 6 sticks of otah.
And ate that too.
Lols. I am getting fat.

Currently using mic to chat with a manic name 'Terence'.
Lols. he is singing his lungs out to slient night?
Trust him to know the right timing to do things.

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

...and so my crazy dream continues
I hope I can wake up in the middle of it...

Hahas. got that quote right of Gravitation.
Luv that show.
But Tsu has yet to burn the remainding episodes for me. Darn.

Went for filming yesterday.
Wells, I got to comment, it went quite well.
Although there were lots of bumps along the way.
Mmm.. but the funny thing was,
we only asked four people to come.
In the end, eight turned up! Haahs.
So Chere and I couldnt stop laughin at that fact
and everything else appeared to be hilarious after that.
Ooh. And I would like to give my laogong the biggest and warmest hug I could give ..
*gives Chan the biggest, warmest, tightest, loveliest huggles*
Because she was soo understanding.
You see, I gave her a call when I was really fed up about sth last night,
and she stood by me.
Woot. (quote from her) Thanks!

...and so my crazy dream continues
I hope I can wake up in the middle of it...

It's all about Me.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

I feel so hollow.
So deserted and so forsaken.
Void of all feelings.
I feel deprived of something unmentionable.
I dont excatly know what I want but I know I want it really badly.
I am seeking for fulfillment.
No, it has nothing to do with lust or sex.
Nothing of that sort.
This is getting really tedious and tiredsome.
I was searching for it,
and still am.

It's all about Me.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

i just got on to blogger to scape out my earlier entry,
Found it meaingless. So if you have missed it, it's okay.
anyways, kinda feeling down in the dumps now.
sighs.
A year has just passed and again, I feel like it is a year wasted.
My grades are improving and my parents were happy when they saw my report book.
They were going "see rosemary. You could do it. Just push yourself a little more."
Wels, naturally you smile at them and thank at their encouragement.
But inside, I felt rotten.
I felt useless and there was probably a hint of displeasure with myself.
sighs.
Sometimes I feel so helpless.
And its kidna depressing. Especially on the day we got back our report books.
You could see their different expressions that the faces portray.
The hardworking ones are the ones that have the smug on their faces
while the rest have the word 'nervous' and proabably even 'pain' writtern allover their faces.
I have been in my class for about a year
and you can clearly see the ups and downs of it.
You can see who are the ones that will be promoted and the ones who have the potential but lacks determination.
sighs.
I dont know how I am going to survive next year,
least handle it and score.
sighs.
only *YOU* know what I am referring to.

It's all about Me.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Ahh. I have to choose where to spent for two weeks of holidays: Perth, China or Macau.
Perth sounds nice since it belongs to the western side of the world.
I have been to that place before but that happened when I was really young.
Yes, while I was still wearing my diapers.
And sad to say, all I can remember of the trip there was there
I was squatting at same metal plate that covers the man-hole eating ice-cream and there were a lot or birds around me.

China: Okie, going to China wasnt actually my idea. It was my mom's.
If i were to be going there, I would be staying at a two-storey house but I will feel damned lonely there.
From what I know, there is nothing around the place, no shopping complexs
but only a church that is within walking distance and other houses.
Actually, as rural as it may sound, the reason to why I kinda agreed to go in the first place was because
I want to go to a place where it's peaceful and quiet.
You know, the country life and sorts.
In fact, I have been yearning for it for quite some time.

Macau: Aah. The only reason why I would be going there is because it is kinda near Hong Kong.
And I want to go Hong Kong to do some shopping.
So if i were to go, it would solely be for pleasure.

Aah.. see. I am spoilt for choice.
Actually, I dont feel like going anywhere else.
I have been so busy for this past few weeks that I have hardly enough time to sleep.
Been rushing for this and that. sighs.
So, the problems stays.
Where do I head to?
Perth, China or Macau?
Hey. I porbably should just draw lots!
Might work that way, dont you think?

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Ooomph.
Got back my report book today after that long and lengthy SS talk that was given by Mrs Sieow.
MMm. I passed.
Wells, Thats all I am going to say this.

Anyways, had AA meeting after that.
And I felt like a load of burden was lifted off my shoulders after that talk with TWK.
Really told him what I felt and guess what?
I think he agrees with what I was saying cos he kept noding his face and rolling his eyes. Hahas.
Cool... I think I am gaining new respect for him.
Wells, at least he understands what the hell is going on.
Hais.

Sammie brought the OBS photos to school today.
Saw them and it was freaking nice!!
It was really nicely taken.
Aaah... those memories. Sighs.
If I can, I'll probably upload it when I get my hands on the copies that I ordered.

Oh yea. I felt like the most foolish, stupid, idiot like just 3 hrs ago.
I realised that I have a dental appointment today at 230
and I went to the wrong clinic.
I told the taxi driver to go to NSC and told him to hurry up
then when I was sitting down, I opened my appointment card
and realised that my appointment wasnt today!
Went back home, took my shower and then I realised that it was the dental appointment.
Not the NSC that I was supposed to go today.
Really really forgetful of me!
aaahh.. wasted $5.60 on the cab fare.

Oh btw, Tsu passed me the episodes of Gravitation
and I am going to watch it after I finish blogging.
Wahoo~~
I will proably not sleep tonight until I have watched all 7 episodes.
Cant wait....~

It's all about Me.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Woah. I swear man ..
some people's head can be sooo thick that it is just soo irritating to get through to them.
You tell them something, they throw it back to your face.
I am soo effin' effin' pissed now.
And they are just sooo slow.
I can pretend to be slow if I wanted,
which most of the time I do,
but these people are born with this ability.
Sorry to say this, but I am soo.. argh.
Feel like tearing my hair out of my skull!

Lets see what I did today.
Hmm... mmm.. *ponders*
*ponders even more*
Oh.. Went for AA in themorning, then to the teachers to collect back my papers.
AA was shitty.
Those people who were suppose to do the write-ups all shrank responsibilites.
Only one brought.
And worst, one of them was the effin' president
All idiotic! Argh.
I think that the title that is awarded to her is totally useless.
I mean, she just sits there and space and doesnt do anything.
All she holds (and cares about) is about her effin' position.
There are always responsibilities that you have to shoulder
but all she does is mess it all up
and then someone else (preferbly me) will have to *clean her butts* for her.
Super irritating can!

It's all about Me.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Valuable Lessons are learnt everyday..
And today, another new one is added on.

It's all about Me.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

Its the Halloween and I am rotting away at home. Anyways, I think I needed the rest.
Came back from OBS yesterday in the afternoon.
And I am already missing the place.
I walked through my front door last afternoon and felt alienated.
No, there wasnt any surprise waiting for me, in fact there was usually no one at home during that time of the day.
Its just that inspite of being in the bunks in OBS for 5 days,
I got used to the sight and the life there.
There wasnt any televisions, radios or computers.
There is a distinctive difference btw life in OBS and in the mainland.
In Pulau Ubin, you are not surrounded by the loud sound of motors when cars drive past you
or the constant nagging of your parents
or the large pressure given to you to constantly upgrade yourself to catch up with the rest of the world.
True, you wont have the the luxury of text messaging your friends
or listening to the radio while you are there as a participant
but life there is not so complicated.
In lay man terms, its slower.
You are surrounded by lush greenary,
cool breezes and time for you to think.
You will not free cramp there like how you feel when you are here.
You have a whole lot of more space there.
In other words, life there was much more carefree.

Wells, I can conclude that I am more of a person who likes to relax and be more laid back.
No, I dont like to be lazy.
But sometimes I am. Hahas.

Going for OBS was quite an eye opener.
But it hasnt taught me much new stuffs.
Mostly the things that I already know are taught again.
Nevertheless, I could always take it as a refresher.

When I have more time, I might just type down what I did while I was there.
But for now, just let me retain the memories and peace in my self.

It's all about Me.