Muster.Your.Courage

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I am back in the main office this week.
That's why I can do this post.

I finally got to see how my boss looked like.
Built, tan but married. Hahas.
He wasn't in for a couple of weeks because he was out of town doing business. (I Presume)
Only came back yesterday.
The interesting thing is that he is korean.
He's seems like the gentle, impatient type.Anyways, why am I reduced to describing how my boss looks like?
Seems like it a good month for traveling.
Amanda, Tsu... have gone for their holidays.
I would give anything to be in their places since I have been itching to get out of Singapore for the longest time.
Looks like the possibility of me getting out this year is very, very little.
Shall save up a little, then get out of this hole by next year.
It's a promise.

Went out with an old friend yesterday.S
eems like she has changed a lot. She's all branded now but I do not necessilary think its a good thing.I shall not comment a lot here since she has the url to my blog and she might take this the wrong way.Anyhow, when I went out with her yesterday, I can no longer feel the tension anymore.
That's good, I guess.
Somethings happened in the past but looking at it now, I may still feel the hurt but I am not hurting any more.
That does make sense to you, doesn't it?
With time, I may just forget about this whole incident.
Although one thing's for sure, things will never be the same again.
Though it still irks me to see that whatever happened, it was a no 'big deal' to her.
She acted so non-chalant and I don't recall her apologising to me.
Wells, it doesn't matter anymore.

Looks like I am going to be stuck with my company for some time.
Phoned the polys for DAE and truth to be told, they are not going to accept me.
Oh wells. At least I have found a job I can tolerate (and possibly like).
Sure, the pay is peanuts (cos I'm on probation) but I guess things are looking up for me.I'm just trying to be positive here.

Random Wishlist
1. New handphone
2. Awia's Mp3 player (model: HZ-WS2000)
3. A good Mathematic tution teacher
4. CDS. Tons of them...
: Moby - Hotel
: Berndaette Seacrest - No more music for the suckers
: Keane : Maroon 5 - Songs about Jane (Original)
5. A bottle of blackcurrent vodka
6. A shot glass
7. A nice backrub/massage
8. A hug

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

I woke up depressed this morning.
I switched on my hp to recieve an sms from a friend.
I shall not post what she said since it would be too obvious.
I think I should be happy for her yet I feel as if I am brought back to the day I recieved my result slip.
All the concerned people around me, asking me how did I do for my o levels.
The teachers, fellow students, my parents etc.
All the smiles, the cries and there I sat, feeling alienated. Not knowing where I belong.
Mrs Matthews, the principle, TJL and jo teo mocked me.
She didn't say it out but it reflects in their eyes. I can feel it.

I feel like dying.
I feel like taking my life.
I am one sad, depressed child.

The priest told me "Happy are those who remain faithful to God".
Do you see me happy?
I am not one happy child.
I feel as if I am a mockery.
A child forgotten by God.
A joke.
A pest.
A nothing.

It's all about Me.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Last day of the week.
Last day I'll be here at the main office.
I'm feeling a little nostalgia.

Today's friday and everyone's dressing is so informal.
Jeans, polo t-shirts, short sleeves and I'm the only one dressed formally.
I stick out like a sore thumb.
Its quite hilarious actually.
Oh look. My manager just walked in.
He's only clad in a black plain t-shirt (tucked out, mind you) and jeans.
Everyone looks so sloppy.
Now I know why comapanies implement dress codes.
So that everyone will look more presentable.

Yesterday, I've recieved a phone call from my Lady Boss pretending to be a customer.
It was really obvious it was her (and not a real customer) because she sounded so cool and calm. Usually, when real customers call, they sound either flastered or lost.
She, on the other hand, sounded like I was taking a verbal test over the phone.
I felt as if she kept asking me the same question over and over again until I gave her the right answer she was looking for.

I was stumbled by one of her questions so I asked for her name and phone no. to call her back.
She didn't want to give me her name nor her no. (another reason why it was so obvious that's its her) and said she will call me back in about 20 minutes.
That call never came.
She's definetly coming in later and boy, I can't wait to see her reaction.
From what I've heard and seen, she has terrible moodswings and will choose at random to lease it out on anyone in sight. Scary.

I feel like playing badminton.
I feel so lethagic and restless.
Need to work out a little.
I guess its time for some gym sessions.

It's all about Me.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Whee~
It's Friday today.
You all know what that means, don't you?
I don't have to work tomorrow.

Actually, it also means a lot of other things.
Including today will be the last day I am situated here.
On Monday onwards, I will be posted to the sub-branch and one thing's for sure, it would be a lot more cramp there with little/no privacy.
I like my desk here.
It's nice and big and spacious and most importantly, I have a lot of privacy. (Hence, this post)
I don't know how I am going to post when I get posted.

I think I will miss being here.
Although my time here is short, the people here are nice and considerate.
One thing's for sure, I will be able to see that cute/mature/beng/malaysian guy again.
Sad.

It's all about Me.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

My workplace is very quiet.
It's so quiet here, you can hear a pin drop.
How do my co-workers communicate here?
Through msn messenger. How interesting.

Found out yesterday (to my horror) that I am going to be put in customer service.
They say its because I can speak english well enough and so they expect me to do customer service.
I really wanted to be just the admin assistant.
Then I don't have to answer phone calls and put on a chirpy sing-song voice.
My HR manager commented yesterday that one can hear the 'smile' in the voice, and she wants me to develop that 'smile' and attitude.
She said she has high expectations of me.
I hope she's right.

As for my job title they have given to me?
My post is "Admin Exec. cum Customer service officer".
My wagers: Less then a thousand.
I think it's ironic.
I think it's a joke.
Don't you think so too?

Spoke to Amanda yesterday on the phone. She complains that I don't blog enough.. wells.
That's true.
So now, I'm going to make it a point to blog more.
And I'll promise I will blog more interesting incidences.
For instance:
"I think I ate too much this morning and I feel like going to the toliet."
.... Wait. That's not interesting enough.
Oh. I've got another one.
"There's this co-worker in my office who's kinda cute.
He has a mane of brightly gold-dye-d (typically ah-beng hair) hair which he styles everyday into a just-got-out-of-the-bed look. Oh, you know that messy yet in place hair do? Yeaps. That one.
He's tall, handsome/cute/mature, courteous and nice.
I think he's workouts too.
He's got a little muscle here and there.
The only thing that doesn't quite fit is the voice.
His voice is kinda whiny.
Not like a girl's..but whiny nontheless.
I don't think he's gay though.
Even is he is, I think he's the seme."

I think I really need to go to the toliet.
On the way there, I'm going to check out his butt.
...Kidding.

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

9 am - Report for work
9.15 am - A short and quick introduction to all my co-workers
9.20 am - Assigned to my new seat
9.30 am - Logged on to the computer to type this entry

Gosh.
I think I am going to like this job very much.

It's all about Me.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I now offically have a job. Its nothing much, just clerical work. The pay's not a lot (less then $1000) only because I'm on probation for a couple of weeks. Only after probation will I get the real salary. I am not so sure about my real pay because they can't give me a 'X' figure yet and everything depends on my performance. Apparently, the boss has taken a liking to me so I hope this job lasts.

Went to RPoly in the morning to seat for an Aptitude test. It's one of those tests to determine whether you can enter the poly because you fail a subject for the O levels. The questions were real extremes. Its either real easy or real hard with its lengthy sentences. I really hate those because I get really confuse when there are a lot of words. Then again, that's the whole point of lengthy questions, to confuse you. I guess I was never one with words. Anyways, I saw a little of the school's campus and I do not have a liking towards it. My dad (who fetched me there) said that it was quiet and nice environment to study in but I've thought otherwise. I seriously do not wish to pass this Aptitude test (and therefore not be allowed to enter the school). We'll see how things turn out.

By the way, my work starts on Tuesday.
Any takers for Monday?

It's all about Me.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I am irritated.
Big time.
My Chinese orchestra instructor has been trying to contact me for the past few weeks for the sole reason of trying to irritate the hell out of me..and to bombard me with questions regarding my O level results. I've been successfully rejecting his calls (simply by not answering) but when he called again just a couple of minute ago, I knew I couldn't reject another one. So I picked it up and WRONG MOVE.

He acted like a very concerned parent and flooded me so many bloody questions. (Even my mom gave me some space) I didn't know whether to tell the truth or not..so I lied. I told him I applied for a course at Nanyang Poly and that I passed everything. It was so obvious that I didn't want to answer his questions but he was so persistant. Gosh. If only he knows where to draw the line and stop asking me those questions. I had to call my own phone and pretend that it's an important call so I can hang up.

I seriously don't feel like going for chinese orchestra again. Bloody. If I were to tell him the truth, can you imagine having to face with a sympathetic instructor who thinks you are a loser? Can you imagine what he will say to me?

This is what I learnt from Ed yesterday,
I can imagine all the above,
but I may not want to.

It's all about Me.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I can't believe I'm writing this but this is my third attempt in trying to post. The first one was cancelled because I didn't have much inspiration (and therefore thought it was boring when I re-read the post) and the second entry was gone when the computer decided to randomly restart by itself.

Was supposed to go attend a Thanksgiving mass in school this morning but mom had other ideas so I couldn’t make it. Heard from a friend that a lot of ex-girls turned up. A loyal bunch, I'll say.

Met Nisha at Kovan for Lunch. Decided on Pizza hut and it was a carbohydrate spread. Had Beef Lasagna, Chicken soup, 6'' inch pizza and Pepsi..yummy enough if I am not calculative about the calories. (By the way, she actually commented that repeating my mathematics was a waste of time and a mistake. Expecting something as blunt as that to come from her mouth, I decided to keep mine shut.) Planned to go over to her house for a dip in the pool but had to cancel because she felt tired. After all, she was running all over town to run an errand for her mom. Don't blame her at all. We went our separate ways after promising each other we will make up for time lost.

I'm expected down for two interviews tomorrow. One's at Chinatown and the other is in the city. Oh, and they are office/desk jobs. According to amansie, they are not as fun as they seem to be, especially when it comes to filing. Hahas. I am going to trust her on that since she has the experience to back up what she claims. I certainly hope I have the patience and determination. Speaking of which, I am already having second thoughts of finding a job. It basically means I will have less time to do my maths and whatnot. (Yeah. I am intending to get a tutor) Although one thing’s for sure. I am not going to get a job as a clerk and stay in that position forever. I want a comfortable life and I want to be able to provide for my parents.(Of course, being able to a few afford branded articles and at the same time, enjoy a holiday at the end of each year is a bonus) It seems as though a clerk/admin assistant isn’t paid much. So yeah…

Quite nervous about the interviews. Then again, I have always been like that when it comes to interviews. Nowadays, everything is based on first impressions. What if I say something stupid and ruin everything? "Think positive, rosemary. Must think positive.''Hahas.

Am chatting with Amansie and I realize I have to call up a few long-lost-but-not-forgotten friends (now acquaintances) to catch up a little. Shall open my msn list and see who’s online after posting this.

Smell ya, folks.

It's all about Me.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

(Amansie, recongnize this picture?)
The roses I've recieved On V.day...
Yupps. I think it's still looking good.
In fact, I think inever looked better then it is now..dried.

It's all about Me.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

I feel terribly wasted.
For the past week, I spend whatever time I have on my hands sitting in front of the computer surfing porn. Gays, straight,anal,close-ups...
No, I'm just kidding.
Actually, I spend whatever time I have on a 950pcs Winnie the Pooh jizsaw puzzle that I've bought last Monday (it was results release day but the two events has nothing to do with each other, of course) because I felt the need to buy something. It cost quite a bit but heck. I'm about to finish fixing it. The only problem is, Winnie and Tigger are both orange in colour so I've spent the last two days figuring out which pieces belong to which character. Wells, I'm still figuring it out.

Alternatively, I rented some taiwan drama-rama-soap-opera (100% Senorita) and I could watch it. Still, I don't feel as if I have done anything productive. I think I will go back to work soon.

Everyone's heading to somewhere but I'm stuck here. You know, I am beginning to question my faith (in God) and beliefs. So many people keep asking me the same question - "So what are you going to do now, rosemary?" I know they are merely concern for my well-being but it irritates me to no end knowing that all these can be prevented if only... I thought God was able to do the impossible. Oh hum. I really hope he has plans for me. Like really huge plans beacuse I am not enjoying what I'm going through now.

For all who are concerned about me, I'm fine. Thank you.

It's all about Me.